This interview is with Heather OConnor, CEO & Founding Attorney at O'Connor Family Law.

Heather O'Connor, CEO & Founding Attorney, O'Connor Family Law

Heather, can you tell us a bit about your journey to becoming a leading voice in family law and business ownership, particularly for women? What ignited your passion for this area of law?

I went through a very contentious divorce in the early 2000s that left me a rather broke, newly single mother of three kids under the age of six and little more to my name than my high-school diploma. As I went through the divorce process, I felt like something was missing within the litigation process that could help women not only get through a divorce but also help them establish a solid foundation for their post-divorce life. I also assumed all lawyers were rich and thought that would be a nice side-effect.

So, I decided to go to school to become a lawyer and eventually open a divorce firm to try to change how divorce was done. I went to community college, then undergrad, and then law school. While going through school, my daughter’s 6th-grade teacher commented how people need to accept their circumstances because they don’t change.

My daughter stood up in front of her whole class and defended not only her own but every child in the classroom’s dreams. She said, “Don’t stand there and tell me or anyone else in here that they are stuck somewhere because of where they come from. I watch my mom. She had nothing, but she is in school, and she’s going to become a lawyer. If she can change things, anybody can change things.”

When my daughter told me that, I was no longer driven just to improve the divorce process. I suddenly realized that I could use everything I had gone through and was going through to show many people that they are not stuck in life. I became passionate about helping others see that they can build a life they love and that every end is just a new beginning. In 2016, I established O’Connor Family Law to bring personal development and life-skills education into the divorce process for clients who needed it.

I absolutely love everything about what we do and how our firm has grown. The best compliment I can receive is that someone felt heard and understood and that they heard my story and knew that they could create a better life for themselves.

Your career path, from single mom to successful entrepreneur and lawyer, is truly inspiring. Can you share a pivotal moment or decision that shaped your trajectory and led you to establish your own firm?

While waiting in the hallway during one of my divorce-court hearings, I spoke to a woman who asked me what I thought of my lawyer. I responded, "He seems okay. What about you?" She looked at me and said, "Fine. They seem to know the law and the legal mumbo jumbo. None of them actually get it, though." I went home and thought about "it" quite a bit because I was also feeling like something was missing. "It" was the empathy and understanding of the emotional roller coaster you can experience during a divorce.

The lows, the highs, the fear, the loss – everything that has nothing to do with the law. That’s the part I felt could be done much better. A legal document only provides you with your rights and your responsibilities.

If you do not change the thoughts, behaviors, and habits that you have that added to you having to get divorced in the first place, you’re likely to just end up in the same situation and reliving the same experiences all over again, no matter what words are on that paper. That’s what drove me day in and day out – divorce isn’t just getting custody or the house – it’s about changing your entire life.

You mentioned the importance of a Cohabitation Agreement for couples buying a home. What are some other critical legal documents or steps that couples overlook when entering into a business partnership or marriage, especially regarding asset protection?

When an unmarried couple is looking at purchasing a home together, it is very important to enter into a contractual agreement before the sale closes. The entirety of this process should be looked at as a business partnership rather than the next step within a relationship. Although no one really wants to look at the worst-case scenario, it is much easier to think about and agree upon what will happen if the relationship goes south and one person wants out. When this is not done, it can create very complex litigation later on, especially if both people's names are not on the deed.

When addressing a cohabitation agreement, make sure you include clauses that specify how much each person put in financially toward the down-payment and closing costs, what the agreement is for how the mortgage and property-related expenses are going to be shared and paid for, what the penalties are if one person does not uphold their end of the bargain and what will happen with the property if the relationship ends. This helps reduce conflict if the relationship ends later on.

Drawing from your experience, what advice would you give to entrepreneurs, particularly women, who are considering starting a business with their spouse or partner? What unique legal considerations should they address from the outset?

There is a line of thought that you shouldn't do business with someone you're in a relationship with. However, it does work for some people. When determining whether your partner is the right person to get into a business venture with, take a good, hard look at how the two of you communicate when you have differing opinions.

Most people can communicate effectively when they’re not disagreeing with each other, but there will be challenging moments as you grow a business, so decide whether you and your partner have the skills to make it through those moments in a way that is going to keep the company as a whole in the forefront.

Even if you believe you can make this work, specify the steps that will be taken in case there is an issue the two of you cannot resolve. Will you agree to utilize mediation or arbitration? Will one of you have the final decision-making right? Along that same line, clarify the ownership stakes. Will it be a 50/50 ownership or some other share percentage? If one of you eventually wants to exit the business, either because life takes you down another path or in the unfortunate case of a divorce, clearly lay out the steps that will be taken to create the least amount of tension and stress for the good of the business.

It’s easy, especially at the beginning, to mix your personal and business finances, but take care not to do this. Keeping personal and business funds and records separate allows for a higher level of protection of your personal assets and helps simplify tax filing steps. There can be severe penalties if your company or you are audited and your personal and business accounts have commingled.

Navigating divorce and business ownership simultaneously can be incredibly complex. What strategies can help minimize disruption to a business during a divorce, and how can entrepreneurs protect their business interests during property division?

Absolutely everyone entering a marriage should have a prenuptial agreement, especially if there are children from a prior relationship or property or businesses that were held individually before the marriage. Even if a business was established after the marriage commenced, a post-nup can be used prior to the business starting up that lays out the rights and responsibilities of each party if a divorce were to take place. Regardless of the existence of a prenup, certain strategies can be used to help protect and minimize the disruption to a business as the property division is being negotiated within a divorce.

Every divorce is emotionally challenging, but when a business is involved, it is even more important to focus on maintaining professionalism and avoiding personal conflicts that could negatively affect decision-making surrounding the business operations and management. In no case should either party take any steps that could be detrimental to the business, which includes posting online or talking about the divorce to customers or other business professionals. During a divorce, take care to avoid major changes within the business. Emotions can run high during the litigation process, and a quick decision based on an emotional response could hurt the company's stability and longevity.

Do your best to maintain the status quo. If your business employs people, you will need to decide what and when to tell them about your divorce. Employees may feel bad about your situation, but they are likely going to be more worried about how a pending divorce could affect them personally. Are they going to potentially lose their job? Will the company survive financially? Will they have additional responsibilities added to their plate? Do your best to be unified with your spouse to reassure your employees that everything will be okay.

You emphasized the significance of clearly defining dependent claims in a divorce agreement. What are some common pitfalls you've observed regarding child support and alimony negotiations, and how can couples approach these discussions constructively?

One of the biggest challenges I’ve seen regarding support negotiations, whether focused on child support or alimony, is when one spouse is self-employed or pays themselves through a business that they have an ownership interest in.

It’s not uncommon that, during the marriage, the parties downplay their income and maximize tax deductions to lower their tax liability. This can make support negotiations difficult, where the person who will have the responsibility to pay the support will often want to use the lowest income amount possible, while the other spouse argues that they had a lot more money available to them than what the other spouse is now reporting during the divorce.

To avoid prolonged litigation, people need to remain flexible and open to negotiation. Consistently perform a cost-benefit analysis relating to what you are going to have to spend to obtain the information needed to prove you should get what you’re looking for versus both your best- and worst-case scenarios. I’ve seen people spend thousands of dollars to fight over what results in less than $10 per week in a support order. When doing that cost-benefit analysis, it’s also important not to just analyze the financial cost.

Remember that there is an emotional cost as well. It can be draining and negatively affect a person’s mental well-being to continue with litigation. That all needs to be taken into consideration when determining what is truly important to continue to fight about.

In your experience, how can lawyers effectively guide their clients through the emotional and financial challenges of divorce while ensuring their legal rights are protected? What strategies do you employ to provide compassionate and effective legal counsel?

One of the first things divorce and custody lawyers should do is hold a strategy session with the client to actively listen to the client’s history and what they think they want as an outcome within the case.

This accomplishes several things:

(1) It helps the lawyer truly connect with the client, which is going to help build trust because the client will feel heard and understood;

(2) The lawyer can immediately provide feedback about whether the client’s stated goals are realistic; and

(3) Three strategic paths should be formulated: (a) What issues may be easily settled; (b) What issues may require judicial intervention; and (c) What evidence is necessary to prove the client’s case if the case ends up going to trial and how are you going to get that evidence?

Doing this provides a client, who often has no idea what to expect and feels extremely stressed about the entire situation, with a sense of security and clarity so they do not feel so stressed.

Many individuals going through divorce or separation also face the daunting task of rebuilding their lives, both personally and professionally. What advice would you offer to those seeking to redefine themselves and achieve financial independence after divorce?

My advice to anyone going through a divorce is to utilize this time of change as a springboard to evaluate where you are in life, clarify what your goals are, and create a plan to achieve them. Divorce can often feel like the end, and in many ways, it is.

It’s the end of life as you’ve known it.

Yet, with that end comes the opportunity for an incredible transformation where the sky is the limit. That’s not to say it’s an easy path or that everything will change for the better overnight, but if the focus is placed on enjoying the challenges of the journey and each day there is even one small improvement made, before you know it, your entire world can change for the better. The time is going to pass regardless, so make sure you make the best of it.

Looking ahead, what are some emerging trends or challenges you foresee in the field of family law, particularly regarding business ownership, digital assets, or changing family structures? What advice would you give to aspiring lawyers entering this evolving landscape?

Since the pandemic, I've seen a change where the overwhelming majority of cases involve at least one of the parents or the child struggling with emotional, mental, or physical challenges. I've also seen an increase in the level of conflict between the parties, as well as between the attorneys.

Higher-conflict and complex issues often make negotiating a divorce more challenging. Although the immediate goal is to get the best result within a divorce or custody case, the focus also has to be on how life is being set up for the family unit after the litigation has ceased and the parties have to move forward without attorneys or the courts involved. That focus can get so lost within heated litigation, and that is a disservice not only to the client but to their children and future lives as a whole. I believe that family law is going to have to begin to incorporate more of a holistic view within divorce and custody cases.

This is going to have to involve financial planners, coaches or therapists, estate planners, and other types of professional services that can create a well-rounded future life for people. There are more and more blended families, and the family court needs to start looking past the immediate needs and looking at how to set people up to thrive long-term.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge and expertise. Is there anything else you'd like to add?

Whenever a parent is going through a divorce or a custody case, they should remain focused on loving their children more than they dislike their ex.